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The way we make decisions in relationships can have a profound impact on our connection with our partner and our overall happiness. We have become so accustomed to making decisions independently, that making the shift to shared decision-making with a partner can be challenging. Even so…there is hope! This change in mindset can lead to a both a fulfilling and harmonious relationship. Let's explore how to make this transition easier.
Understanding the Importance of Shared Decision-Making
Before we dive into the 'how', let's talk about the 'why' shared decision-making is important. Shared decision-making in relationships develops:
- Stronger Communication Skills
- Increased Mutual respect
- A sense of “we” and “us” mentality verses a “me” or “I mentality
All of these elements are vital for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Steps to Transition to Shared Decision-Making
1. Reflect on Your Current Style
Take a moment and consider, “How do I make decisions in my own life?” And historically, or even currently, “How do I make decisions with my partner or others?” What factors do you take into consideration? What is important to you when making a decision? Do you tend to make choices solo, or invite input from others?
2. Have an Open Conversation
Intentionally have an open conversation with your partner and express your desire to make decisions together. Share that you are committed to the growth of the relationship and your desire to work together as a team and that as a partner, you value them and their input.
3. Build Trust
Keep in mind that consistent behavior over time builds trust. Trust is at the very foundation of shared decision-making. It's imperative to create a space for connection and intentional conversation where both partners are safe and free to explore and express their ideas, feelings and concerns without criticism. As each person submits their suggestions for compromise, each idea should be thoughtfully evaluated and considered. When a consensus is reached, then it is vital to move forward without looking back. Each partner should take their turn in making compromises otherwise the relationship can become one sided and resentment will build. Each person must be willing to make the equitable number of compromises. In doing this, it will promote unity, trust, and connection in your relationship. It is one vital way of "showing up for one another" in your relationship.
When the success of the relationship becomes your focus, keep in mind that shared decision-making isn't about winning or losing. It's about finding solutions that work for both of you. One of my favorite quotes from Dr. John Gottman is "love is saying 'I feel differently' instead of 'you're wrong'". Be open to meeting in the middle.
4. Start Small
Identify specific areas where you can begin practicing shared decision-making. This could be anything from daily or weekly meal planning to bigger issues like financial goals.
5. Actively Listen
Active listening promotes connection and builds trust. When discussing decisions, give your partner your full attention. Listen to understand their point of view. Ask questions to clarify your understanding of their views. and reflect back to them what you understood them to say. Show empathy towards their feelings and opinions.
6. Celebrate Your Progress
Acknowledge the times when you successfully make decisions together. This positive reinforcement can encourage both of you to continue collaborating. It also reinforces the bond created by showing up for one another in your relationship.
7. Seek Professional Help as Needed
If you're finding the transition challenging, don't hesitate to consult a relationship coach, therapist, or counselor. They can provide valuable strategies to improve your communication and decision-making skills.
The Road Ahead
Transitioning to shared decision-making is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and effort from both partners. It may be frustrating at first, but don't give up. Navigating anything that's new is never comfortable at first, but with time and practice it will become easier, and less stressful overall. The rewards are worth it! You are building a stronger, more balanced and resilient relationship where both voices are heard and valued.
Remember, every couple's journey is unique. Be patient with yourselves as you navigate this change. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you'll be making decisions as a team in no time!
Have you tried implementing shared decision-making in your relationship? What challenges or successes have you experienced? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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